Guilt Post

Mostly I'm posting because I'm feeling guilty about not posting ... that's just sick, I know. But I do have a couple vignettes to post, anyway, so here's a collection:

D&D quote:
"No, you cannot have a pet zombie ogre!" (Someone was letting the recent acquisition of a "Command Undead" spell get to his head. I was grossed out. I mean, here I am turning these ... things ... and he wants them to follow us?!?)

Last week I was working in the candy section when I heard the following, between a toddler boy and his (what I later found out) aunt:
"No Mary!"
"You don't want Aunt Mary to push you?"
"No!"
"Well, then, we're not going to go anywhere!"
"Go!"
"But then I have to push you."
"No! No Mary!"
"Well, if you want to go, but you don't want Aunt Mary to push you ... who do you want to push you?"
"Dat girl!"
At this point I looked up, and to my surprise, he was pointing at me! I told him he couldn't afford my hourly rate.

Today, while ringing up a customer, I peeked into his cart to see how many bottles of wine there were. With thickly (Easter European?) accented English, he said, "Ah, you see all my wine! That is because I am a very vicious man! I like the numbing affects!" He said all this with a big (cognizant) smile.

Yesterday, I was asked to find some candy to fill a couple shelves in the flower section (don't ask). I was standing by my backstock, trying to find out what would "go" well. I called to one of the artists (working about 10 ft. away from me), "What's summery?"
"Beach balls!"
"No, I meant candy!"
"Candied beach balls!"

A few minutes later, I realized my seasonal mistake:
"Actually, I meant to say spring. What's springy?"
"Flowers!"
"Ray!" (Artist's name, in case you didn't catch that.)
"Candied flowers!"

Along a similar vein of silliness, we've got these new reusable bags that are round. Well, the bottom is round (this isn't the silly part). I tried to convince a customer that a round-bottomed bag was essential for trips to the beach: you stack in your frisbee, your pie and a beach ball and you're good to go. 'Cause, hey, frisbees were originally pie tins, and frisbees are essential for the beach, therefore pies are vital beach fare, no?